Are you a goddess, a doormat, or a distractor?

Reading Time: 4 minutes

By HeatherAsh Amara

Tomorrow we will mark the midway point between Summer Solstice and Fall Equinox in the northern hemisphere. On August 1st we celebrate Lamas, also called Lughnasad, a cross-quarter day that reminds us that even in the heat of summer, fall is coming.  (For our friends below the equator this is the midway point between Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox, yay!) Lamas is a time of celebrating the harvest. The questions I ask myself during this time of the year are “What am I harvesting right now? What needs to be reaped? What do I need to release so I can stay focused on my goals?” I also check in with what I call my goddess energy.

People sometimes think of goddess energy as only for women, or having to do with long flowee gowns, flowers in the hair, and soft smiles. Either there is an eye-roll when we see someone as being excessively goddessy, or a wistful “I wish I was more like her.”

We elevate the goddess archetype, and we also shun it. But there is not just one type of goddess, and the stereotype we can sometimes hold of the gentle, all-loving, passive goddess does not embody the full spectrum of goddess qualities, which range from fierce to peaceful, and everything in-between.

I believe to get to truly know and be yourself you have to cultivate your goddess qualities. Not a goddess that smiles benevolently all the time, but the goddess that is wild, creative, sensual, fierce, and open to all possibilities.

Someone holding embodied goddess energy sees the biggest picture possible, includes everyone, and stands their ground with love. They are fiercely loving, flexible and resilient, and connected to the flow of life. They take action from intuition, and navigate the challenges of life with a creative spark that inspire all around them.

There is a skill to balancing the goddess energy within you.

I knew a woman, I’ll call her Anna, who constantly was in crisis: every few months she seemed to be losing her job, or losing her housing, losing her car, or struggling with money. She was an amazing healer, and an incredibly loving, playful person. But her relationship with physical reality was difficult at best.

Looking back, I see that she had an excessive of goddess energy (and a deficiency of warrior energy.)

Goddess energy can be healing when it is empowered, destructive when in excess, or draining when it is deficient.

So, what are the hallmarks of the goddess energy? Read the list below and notice which qualities are the most familiar to you, which ones you struggle with, and which ones you’d like to strengthen within you. (Men, this includes you, too!)


Goddess – Empowered






Goddess – Excess



No follow through



Goddess – Deficient


Filled with shame

No boundaries

Rigid from fear


We live in a society where we see a lot of out of balance goddess energy: people who are victimized and afraid, who are cycling and struggling with the trauma and abuse in their past (or present), or who are so out of touch with reality and other people’s experience that they don’t see the person in front of them. Sometimes out of balance goddess energy also manifests as extreme procrastination or lack of follow through. When we are out of balance with goddess energy we can be doormats or distractors.

Balanced goddess energy is about owning your power, your passion, and your vision in a creative and joyful way. When you are empowered in your goddess self you bring love and curiosity to everything you do. You are patience and kind, but not wishy washy or flaky. You honor diversity and the artistry of each human, including yourself. You are wide-open with wonder and wildly devoted to expressing your light, and encouraging all around you to do the same.

To get a better sense of where you fall in the spectrum of your own personal excess – empowered – deficient goddess expression, read through the list above again and put a number from one to ten next to each quality: 1 being you rarely experience that quality and 10 you experience it a lot. Don’t think too much when you are writing down your 1 to 10 numbers, just follow your first instinct. Then add up the numbers for each section. This will show you if you need to cultivate more or less goddess energy in your life.

If you have excess goddess: Be curious where you learned to hold an excess of goddess energy and why. How have you benefitted from holding an excess of goddess energy, and where has it caused you to suffer? Practice speaking up for yourself and staying true to what you want. Take action with love. Stay steady and humble, and teach yourself how to follow through.

If you have deficient goddess: Be curious where you learned not to hold a deficiency of goddess energy and why. How have you benefitted from holding a deficiency of goddess energy, and where has it caused you to suffer? Learn to discern the difference between victim and survivor. Nurture yourself as someone who thrives despite challenges. Learn to make boundaries and stay connected to the wisdom of your belly.

Coming back into balance is not something you will do overnight. It is a dedicated ongoing quest to claim your most powerful, grounded, compassionate, embodied goddess self and create the life you are meant to live.


Learn more about warrior energy in this blog: Are you in Excess, Deficiency, or Balance?