June 22nd, 2021

The power of separation

Division, diversity, and dreaming


For the past thirty years plus I’ve been creating separation.

On purpose.

Because separation is a path of healing and reconciliation.

Let me explain.

In earth-based spiritual traditions there is an honoring of the four elements: air, fire, water, and earth. Each of these elements is associated with an aspect of self: mind, energy, emotions, and body.

Of course, none of us are four distinct selves; the truth is that your emotions are connected to your thoughts, your energetic body is part of your physical body, your thoughts affect your energy and body. All of these aspects of self make up a whole.

So while your thoughts, energy, emotions, and body are not separate, it is immensely helpful to create conscious separation to address and heal the parts.

By separating mind from emotions, for example, we can learn to be in direct relationship with our emotional body. This allows us to listen to what our emotional body needsneeds to heal, instead of what our mind thinks our emotions need.

The same is true with my work with women. While the warrior goddess teachings are applicable to all genders, my focus is on the ways that women are domesticated and the specific agreements and socialization we receive. I consciously separate out women’s inner work around power, voice, and boundaries, which is often different than what other genders are navigating. By creating separation the intent is to heal so we can come together with more love, compassion, and presence. I don’t expect men to understand my experience (or to tell me what my experience should be), just like I honor men’s different experiences.

Here’s another way to look at it: if an engine is not running well you must dismantle it, clean the parts, and then put them back together again. Washing the outside of the engine will not dissolve the grit and grime within. No matter how clean the outside might look, there is still much cleaning to do inside.

Hence my love of conscious separation.

But not everyone understands how separation can be a force for healing.

For some creating separation is an outrage, a source of confusion, an affront to spiritual principles.

I disagree.

I’ve been accused lately of creating separation when I post about supporting black women, like my team and I did on Saturday to honor Juneteenth.

Within a few seconds of posting “Support Black Women” there are were four or five ALL LIVES MATTER, and one person sharing how disappointed they are with me for creating division.

It happens every time. And it makes my heart hurt at the level of misunderstanding, spiritual bypass, and let’s just all get along without any understanding of the underlying and continued grit in the system.

Loves, the division is already there. I didn’t create it. I’m dedicated to help heal it. And this means taking the old structure apart so we can clean the pieces and put it back together in a better way.

Just like separating the mind out from the emotions does not mean I’m negating anything. And separating out women, or black, brown, or indigenous women is not against men or white women. Saying Black Lives Matter and highlighting women of color is not saying And No One Else’s Life Matters.

Of course all lives matter. Saying Black Lives Matter is a call to action, a prayer, a way to highlight inequities so we can take good action.

Your mind matters. Your emotions matter. Your body matters. And they each need different practices, actions, and support for healing.

Women need women-only spaces for healing. Women have particular burdens and barriers that are unique. We need to separate these out.

And we also need to continue to lovingly separate out the different experiences and needs of women of color, and the different experiences and needs of white women.

We all have trauma, and hurt, and healing to do. Creating mindful separation is not a form of denial or something that is creating more destruction. My intent always always always is to speak truth, learn from past mistakes, name where we have been so we can choose where we are going, and to create good, healing, potent, magical separation.

Because in separating, we can create true, healed wholeness.