Stepping out of my Gamer closet, in my first ever admission outside of my friends and family…yes…I play Warcraft as part of my self care and recreation!
One of the “old agreements” I am working on clearing is “I need to be perfect 100% of the time.” I must live up to unattainable goals I have set for myself and the agreements that have been put upon me to carry.
Heaven forbid I am not good enough, or perceived not good enough.
These agreements transfer into all aspects of your life, including gaming. When Warcraft introduced Transmogrification (able to wear the look of clothes you like on current content gear), I was ecstatic, “now I can look how I want to look” all the time. There’s that 100%…yes!
Well…to fight as a casting druid, you have to be in Boomkin form, which is a fat, dumpy chicken like bird that runs with its feet pointed out as it waddles…not the epitome of sleek, fit, sexiness that society has put upon women nor the framework put upon me by the high performance sport world I lived in for 30 years.
I hated playing “Boomy” and would turn back into “night elf” form as soon as I could, and at some points over the years, refused to play her in fighting form as she was mainly a healer (go figure lol).
The training I am taking with HeatherAsh Amara (author of Warrior Goddess Training) has me focusing on letting go and transforming a lot of these agreements I have made with myself and I’m learning to love ALL of me…and the weak parts…I am loving more.
This afternoon, I spent some time power leveling Isis (my druid) with a friend, and didn’t take the time to switch her back to night elf form very much and the thought process started while watching her.
“Love her for who she is and what she looks like right now.”
She is a bad ass warrior! She can self heal! She fills the room when she shows up! She is loved by her guild and her friends! SHE CAN TAKE ON THE FORM OF MANY DIFFERENT ANIMALS! FUCK YA! Who gives a shit if she’s a little heavy and rolly polly sometimes. She is loved no matter what she looks like.
And then it happened…my guildie and I getting ready to fight our target…my stereo starts playing “Confident” by Demi Lovato. I turn it up, and make Isis dance, killing myself laughing as she’s almost in beat with the music. I sat grooving in my chair, integrating my new agreement into my body as she danced.
My guildie pulls the bad guy…I’m dancing and not paying attention…I get hit and get blown off the mountain while Demi is singing “What’s wrong with being, what’s wrong with being confident?”
And guess what? SHE LIVED!!!!! Fucking BAD ASS warrior of light!
The timing of the whole interaction was epic…and here’s the thing…the Universe uses a bunch of modalities to shake us awake.
“WE JUST NEED TO BE OPEN TO HEARING THE MESSAGE.”
And in my case, this afternoon the Universe used Isis to send me the message <3.
So time to integrate that lesson into my own life.
“I am a bad ass warrior of light, just as I am, in this moment.”
“I am able to self heal and transform anything in my life that no longer serves me.”
“What’s wrong with being confident?” Absolutely nothing <3